Let’s have a talk 009
FATHERHOOD LOVE or DISCIPLINE ?
By : Awoniyi Olabode
Note :In this article I am not stating that father should not discipline their children in any form they wish.
Good day readers, here is another mind blowing topic that we are not focused on but keeps most of us or some of us disturbed or sad lately.
According to a research, children develop phobia for their father than their mother probably due to the aggressiveness once or often displayed in their presence by their father. One of the roles of a father in the family is to be the leader who loves the family equally, shares a great time, corrects mistakes in love, encourages everyone, sets a well organized standard of behaviour among the children and maybe finally invests in them by sending them to school. And in the situation where he can’t afford sending the children to school, he should be able to enroll them for a vocational training. I think this move would actually set a promising future for them.
These formal or legal means mentioned above is how to grow a child into a productive future as a responsible father who wants the best for the children. Well, we have heard or seen cases of fathers who never cared or thought it necessary to cater for their children. They rather prefer to lavish their wealth on exotic cars, expensive outfit and flirting around.
Furthermore, the first primary objectives of man has been analyzed earlier on( I said “first primary objectives” because sending your children to school or registering them into a vocational training is not the only characteristics of a father in the family). But we need to look into the level of relationship that is existing between the father and the children. I have seen situations where children can not sit beside their father, talk one on one with their father, crack jokes with their father, share memories with their father or speak to a friend freely in the presence of their father due to the phobia they have for him. As a father, it is good to discipline/ train your children by letting them know the kind of friends to roll or mingle with as I have seen some responsible fathers do.
Driving back to the indoor rapport with the children, not being sentimental, there should be some friendly realm within the family that would be missed when not together, a particular love shown that is going to bring a lovely link up in the family, allow the children to speak their mind when in trouble and make them have hope when they fail, love that would keep the family together even when they are miles apart, love that would bring great people closer to you and love that people would learn from and use as a tool to nurture their own family. Is this not cool and encouraging?
Lack of fatherhood love causes depression in some children’s life. It is so bad to see mates who can’t share their feelings with their father, they either share it on social media where they get silly replies (or, on rare occasions, good replies). They might even get savage replies which would probably misdirect them and they may get depressed by what affects them and this may make them vulnerable to some evil vices like suicide due to the lack of fatherhood love.
And I read that “it is the mentality used to raise a child from birth that he also uses to raise his/her own children”. Although, this happens but not applicable to everyone when a better knowledge floods in.
According to “Introduction to Social Psychology” by David Ajibade and Ayo Aderounmu in which they talk on Primary Socialization ( pg 23 )I quote “Primary socialization occurs when a child learns the attitudes, values and actions appropriate to individuals as members of a particular culture. For example if a child saw his/her mother expressing a discriminatory opinion about minority group, then that child may think this behaviour is acceptable and could continue to have this opinion about minority groups”. The family values, beliefs, religious inclinations and political views shape an individual’s views about his society. Parents are the biggest influence for the social development in their children. There are cases where a child runs away from home due to the over disciplinary actions and aggressive way his father corrects him. The child doesn’t seem to like this way because he sees the way his friend’s father treats his family under the tree of love and togetherness.
Although, the present world requires raising a child in a disciplined way because we have a stubborn community which may poison the child’s mind, and may lead him astray. This article is actually meant to educate fathers who don’t take fatherhood love for real. They are your children and not slaves. Treat them well, show them some love and correct them in love.
Here are 10 ways on how to encourage a child:
1. You stayed so calm during that problem, I’m proud of you.
2. That’s quite an improvement.
3. Congratulations!
4. Keep working on it, you are almost there!
5. This is not your best, you can do better. .
6. I love hearing your words.
7. Nothing can stop you.
8. You expressed yourself so well.
9. That’s the way to do it.
10. I heard you say how you feel, that’s great.